Reflections on Dr. Silverman's Talk

On February 16, Seabury was proud to host Dr. Linda Silverman, director of the Institute for the Study of Advanced Development and its subsidiary, the Gifted Development Center, in Denver, CO, for a presentation to parents and educators of gifted children. Speaking on the topic, “If Our Child is So Smart, Why Aren’t Our Lives Easier?” Dr. Silverman addressed the characteristics of gifted children and their gifted parents, talked about how we can support the learning, growth and development of our gifted children, and talked about the joys and challenges of parenting our intense, sensitive, inquisitive, creative kids. It was a wonderful night for those who love and support gifted children.


Since that night, I have found myself reflecting on one small side note at the end of Dr. Silverman’s presentation regarding introversion and extroversion in the gifted population. Research, including Dr. Silverman’s own research, has shown that about 60% of typical gifted children tend to be introverts, a higher percentage of introverts than is found in the general population. Research has also shown that the more profoundly gifted a person is, the greater the likelihood that the person will tend toward introversion. As she explained this to participants, Dr. Silverman pointed to me and asked, “Sandi, would you say that more of your Seabury students are typically introverts than extroverts?” I agreed – yes, the 60/40 percentages she talked about seemed about right for Seabury students.

In and of itself, that is an interesting tidbit to think about, and something for parents and teachers working with gifted children to consider when setting expectations and building programs. But it struck me this week, as I have given tours of Seabury to visitors and prospective families, that the majority of our students don’t look like introverts to visitors. And I think that says something important about our school.

Introverts, by nature, have a strong interior life. They tend to keep much of who they are and what they think to themselves until they feel comfortable enough to begin to reveal their true selves. Extroverts, by contrast, tend to be more outwardly focused and are usually comfortable opening up to people they meet right away. When you meet extroverts, you often get to see the best of who they are immediately. When you meet introverts, at first you only see the small fraction of themselves that they are comfortable sharing right away. It is only as you begin to build a relationship with introverts that they begin to open up and you get to see the best of who they are.

In thinking about Seabury, it struck me that many of our kids who tend toward introversion, those who were extremely shy in other school settings or who are quiet when they are with people they don’t know, feel safe enough and comfortable enough to let down their guard and be themselves at Seabury. Some of the students who have become our leaders, especially in our upper grade classrooms, are introverts who were extremely shy when they were younger. Being in a safe environment among intellectual peers who understand and appreciate them, and among teachers who support and encourage them, gives our students the confidence to take risks and step outside their comfort zone, something that is vital to learning and growth. Our students who tend toward introversion will always be introverts, appreciating time alone for reflection and re-energizing. But when introverts feel safe enough to reveal their true selves, they are willing to explore, discover, take risks, and develop confidence.

Perhaps this resonated with me because I tend toward introversion, and so does my son. I have watched my son blossom and grow in his years at Seabury, going from being a preschool student afraid to talk to his teacher to someone who is a leader in his classroom, on his baseball team, and in many areas of his life. I am grateful that he has had the chance to grow up at Seabury, and to develop the self-confidence that he will need as he moves on to high school and college. I am grateful for the opportunity to be part of a school community that supports and encourages all of our children to discover their gifts and develop their talents. And I am grateful to Dr. Silverman for helping me see the value of what we do at Seabury in a new light.

Advocacy

Funding for gifted education in Washington is at risk due to the current budget challenges our state faces. Parents, school personnel and others are working hard to make sure that the needs of our state’s highly capable children are addressed through our schools. The Washington Coalition for Gifted Education is working to make the voices of those advocating for gifted children to be heard in Olympia.


What does this have to do with Seabury, an independent school that is not tied to the public system? At Seabury, we recognize and are committed to the unique learning needs of gifted children. As the only PK-8th grade independent school with a program designed for gifted children in the South Sound, our voices need to join those in the public school community working to raise awareness about our children and the kind of education they need and deserve to discover their gifts and develop their talents.

Seabury’s program is designed with these understandings in mind:

• Gifted children are not better or more special than other children. They are simply children who learn differently and who deserve school programs that allow them to learn and grow and be challenged each and every day.
• Giftedness is not just a quality related to school. It is a way of being. A way of experiencing the world. It not only affects the intellectual life of a person, but impacts all of how they perceive and interact with the world. Effective gifted education is not simply academic programming – it encompasses the development of the whole child including intellectual, social, emotional and physical growth.
• Gifted education is different from academically advanced programs. It takes into account the fact that gifted students are not typically equally gifted in all areas, and that the degree of giftedness impacts the pace and depth in the curriculum that is required to provide adequate challenges. Tailoring the pace of instruction, and providing adequate depth, breadth and complexity of study are necessary if a gifted student is to be appropriately challenged in all subject areas.
• Gifted students benefit when they have the chance to learn and grow with other gifted students who think and learn like they do. As important as classroom instruction is the opportunity to interact with other students who “get me.” Developing a strong sense of identity starts with finding a community of those who can relate to me, and with whom I can relate. Bringing gifted students together benefits their intellectual, social and emotional growth, and leads to students who have a strong sense of identity and confidence.

It is important that Seabury be a voice in the gifted education community, advocating for the needs of our unique children. We need to continue to reach out to find children in the community who would benefit from the program we offer, and to advocate for gifted children who are served in other places. We need to promote understanding of this often misunderstood population, and educate parents, teachers and the public. We look forward to continuing to be part of the conversation!

• Join Seabury at Gifted Education Day in Olympia on February 11. Learn more at the Washington Coalition for Gifted Education website.

• To learn more about parenting gifted children, join us on Wednesday, February 16 to hear Dr. Linda Silverman from the Gifted Development Center in Denver. Seabury is sponsoring her presentation entitled, “If Our Child is So Smart, Why Aren’t Our Lives Easier?” at the Tacoma Convention Center Commerce Room. Reserve your space by contacting Halley Griffin at Seabury Middle School.

 

Thinking Differently

When people ask me how a person can tell if a child is gifted, I often find myself telling them, “They think differently. They see the world from a unique perspective. Once you’ve known gifted kids and spent time with them, you kind of just…know…” There are lists of characteristics, such as Dr. Linda Silverman’s Characteristics of Giftedness checklist , and descriptions of various types of giftedness such as Betts’ Profiles of the Gifted. They are helpful tools to use when identifying gifted children, but after working with these students for many years, I still am always challenged to describe that special quality of thinking that makes gifted people so interesting, and makes it hard for gifted children, sometimes, to find their place in classrooms of students who just don’t think like they do.

Earlier this week, Seabury’s first grade teacher came into my office with a great story about a lesson she had just taught that, for me, gives at least a glimpse of the difference our students bring to their thinking and learning. And speaks to what a gift we give them when we give them the chance to learn with other gifted children.

The first graders have been learning about maps – what they are used for, elements of maps, common symbols, map keys, etc. Relatively simple, but still more complex than you would find in most first grade classrooms because our students crave more details and are ready for greater depth of study. To reinforce what they have been learning, the teacher divided students into groups and asked each group to work together to create their own map. The teacher purposely left the activity open ended – something that is very important in working with bright children – so that students could take the lesson in whatever direction made sense to them. The directions were to create a map that had labels and a map key – their own version of the maps they had been studying in class. She expected students to draw maps of neighborhoods – with houses and schools and businesses in various forms, since those are the kinds of maps they had focused on. She expected that each group would have their own unique map, but that the maps would look like maps we typically use to find our way around.

But these are gifted first graders. Their minds and imaginations often take them out of the box and to places we were not expecting. As students began working, the teacher began checking in with each of the groups. The first pair were having a vigorous debate about whether their map should be a map of Kansas or a map of a different state. They were very worried about how they could get their map to be exactly, factually accurate. The teacher reminded them that their map could be of a real place if that’s what they wanted, but it didn’t have to be a real place. The boys stopped, and then huge grins broke out on their faces as, at the same time, they shouted, “Harry Potter!!!” They then went to work on a detailed map of the wizarding world of Harry Potter, including a detailed discussion about Hogwarts and Harry and his adventures.

Another group was deeply involved in their creation of an intricate, magical fairy world. It wasn’t just streets and parks. It was a whole world with mountains and rivers and villages on the map and even more detail in the children’s discussion about what they were creating.

A third group declared, “We’ll make the human body!” Another student in the group said, “I think for it to be a map, it has to show someone going somewhere.” All agreed – maps were about moving from one place to another. So the group set about creating not a picture of the human body, but a map of the human body, showing how an imaginary person could move through its systems.

It’s hard to describe, even through this story, what it is like to be in a room full of 6 and 7 year olds having complex discussions that are far beyond their years in some ways, and yet full of childish wonder. This is what gifted kids are like. And when gifted kids get to share a classroom with other gifted students, magic happens. Ideas spark other ideas. Creative minds go places together that they wouldn’t go on their own.

Giving gifted children the chance to work and play and learn with other gifted children is a gift that allows them to explore their own creativity, expand their horizons and challenge themselves in ways that is difficult with others their age who don’t think like they do. It’s an amazing thing. And a privilege I get to witness each and every day in each and every classroom!

Governor Proposes to Cut Funding for Highly Capable Programs

Yesterday, Governor Gregoire released her budget proposal. Devastating. So many programs cut and so many people, particularly children, impacted. One of her proposed cuts is the elimination of all funding for highly capable programs in the state – ironic in that just a year ago, the legislature passed ESHB 2261 which states that, “for highly capable students, access to accelerated learning and enhanced instruction is access to basic education.”


Highly capable (gifted) children are not more deserving or better than other children. To be identified as highly capable is not an honor or a privilege. It is simply recognition that you learn differently. That you are ready for more complex ideas earlier than your peers. That you can move through the curriculum faster than typical students your age. In a school system designed around the factory model in which, if you are 6 years old, you must be ready to learn addition and subtraction facts and must be a beginning reader, highly capable students don’t fit. We recognized years ago that there are kids who need more time or alternative strategies to learn because they are not ready for the same learning as their peers, and so special education and remedial programs were created. Highly capable students don’t fit either. They are ready to go faster, think deeper, and make more complex connections.

As Head of School at an independent school for highly capable children, I talk with parents every day who are simply interested in making sure their child gets to be appropriately challenged at school. The parent of a kindergarten girl who has been reading since she was three, but who has hidden that from her teacher because she didn’t want the other kids who couldn’t read yet to feel bad. The parent of a third grade boy who has been labeled a behavior problem because he constantly wants to know “Why?” and wants to invent his own ways of doing things. They come to our school because their child is getting lost in a system that wasn’t designed for the way s/he learns. They just want their child to have the chance that all children should have to learn something new at school every day.

Eliminating funding for highly capable programs will save money. But at a huge cost. Those children who have the potential to become our nation’s leaders, creators and innovators will spend their days waiting. Hiding their talent to fit in. Becoming behavior problems because they can’t take the boredom. Marking the time until school is over so they can go home and learn something new on their own. Highly capable children don’t deserve better education. They simply deserve education – the chance to see what they are capable of and to learn something new at school every day. Isn’t that what we want for every child?

Gifted Girls

Some gifted children are easy to spot. They show their boredom with classroom work that is not sufficiently challenging by becoming verbal pests or by acting out. They are clearly bright, but are underachieving because the work they are asked to do is not meaningful to them. Or they just demand to know, “Why?” about everything, all the time.


But there are gifted children that are overlooked. Those who are bright, but who are compliant: willing to do what is asked of them because they don’t want to make waves. Or those who hide their gifts in order to fit in socially. Too often, these overlooked gifted children are girls.

My son needs to be in your school. He is bored in his current classroom and is becoming a behavior problem. We are pretty sure he is gifted and just isn't being challenged enough. His sister? No, she isn’t gifted. She gets A’s in school, has friends and likes her teacher. She is fine. She doesn’t need anything different.

I have heard those words so many times from so many parents. The daughter, who is more socially aware at an earlier age than her brother, has looked around her classroom and has realized that the way to make the teacher happy is to be polite and do what she is told. And the way to make friends is to do what everyone else does and not raise her hand too often. It’s not a conscious choice she has made. It is more of a subtle process of recognizing what it takes to fit in and following the social rules. And yet when she and her brother are both given IQ tests, more often than not, her scores are as high or higher than her brother’s. Her talent is not recognized and is, therefore, often not being nurtured or developed.

Advocating for gifted girls is a passion for me. Perhaps because I was one of those girls. If you had asked my parents if I needed something different in elementary school, they would have said no. I was fine. I liked school. I liked my teachers. I had friends. But then I got to junior high school and was placed in a gifted program humanities class. I had no idea school could be like that. That discussions could be so stimulating – leaving me thinking even after I left class. That I could connect with other kids my age on such a deep level. That we could share ideas and insights and be excited about making interesting connections or tossing around intriguing ideas. It was in that classroom that my passion for gifted education was born. Both for those kids who obviously need something different, and for those kids who are doing “OK,” but who could be doing so much more if they were given the chance to be in a stimulating environment in which being bright was an asset – not something to hide.

In an article on the NYU Child Study Center’s website titled Gifted Girls - Many Gifted Girls, Few Eminent Women: Why?,  Dr. Anita Gurian, writes about some of the challenges gifted girls face in school. As I read her article, I found myself thinking about my own experience as well as the experiences of the gifted girls I have been privileged to work with both in public school and at Seabury. I look around our Seabury classrooms and see girls who are not afraid to raise their hands. Girls who see being smart as an asset rather than a liability. Girls who relish being part of interesting discussions and who are willing to step up and show their leadership ability. Girls who get to spend the day laughing and learning and exploring with their intellectual peers. Girls who have had the chance to attend a school where it is safe to be smart.

Do all gifted girls hide their talent? No. Does this phenomenon apply only to girls and never to boys? Of course not. But as we look around at the girls in our families, our neighborhoods and our communities, it is good to be aware that the girls (and boys) we see may have potential that has not yet been discovered or developed. And as we look at our Seabury girls, we can be grateful that they are in a place where their talents are nurtured and developed. Where they can become the creators and leaders and thinkers they are capable of becoming.  Where they can discover the full measure of their gifts in a safe, supportive environment.  What a gift...

Gratitude

It is the time of year for reflecting on those things that we are grateful for in our lives. I find myself thinking about how grateful I am for my family and friends, for the opportunity to live in such a wonderful community, for my health… and for the opportunity to work with the amazing kids we serve at Seabury.


People often remark that when I start talking about Seabury, I can hardly contain my excitement. They are right. I am passionate about our school and our mission because I see the difference we make in the lives of kids every day. And I am thankful to be at Seabury, because I have the privilege of spending time with and learning from our kids every day. I get to hear the complex stories they tell. I get stumped by the fascinating questions they ask. I witness their creativity, their enthusiasm for learning, and their astounding sensitivity. I laugh at their jokes and am amazed by their insights. I go home each and every day with a sense of profound gratitude for the opportunity to be part of their lives, and for the ways in which they enrich mine.

Our kids are amazing, but are often misunderstood or underappreciated, especially in educational settings that aren’t designed for the way they learn. Kids who are highly creative can be seen as unwilling to follow directions when they come up with their own ways of doing things. Kids who are intensely sensitive and idealistic, especially when they are young, can have their worries trivialized or dismissed. Kids who always need to know why, or to correct others when they make a mistake (especially if the other is an adult) can be seen as disruptive or defiant. And kids who are able to do or think about things that others their age aren’t ready for can decide to hide their talents to fit in, and their ability can become invisible to parents and teachers.

I am so fortunate to have the chance to work at Seabury with a faculty and staff who are as passionate and committed to our mission as I am, with parents who team with us to support their children’s learning and growth, and with children who are unique and challenging and incredible. As we gather with family next Thursday and give thanks for the blessings in our lives, Seabury’s children will be high on my list!

Sometimes Growing Hurts!

As the parent of a teenager who is growing faster than we ever imagined possible, we sometimes deal with growing pains at home. Bones sometimes grow faster than muscles, and feet grow faster than we can get new shoes. Sometimes growing hurts – and not just physically.

As a parent, one of the biggest challenges we face is letting our kids experience the pain of growing. It is so tempting to swoop in and rescue them when things get hard or when their feelings get hurt. It is painful to see our children hurting – whether from a skinned knee or the aftermath of an argument with a friend. But it is a necessary part of growing. It is in the times of challenge and frustration that children (and adults if we are honest with ourselves) are most open to letting go of old patterns and embracing new ways of thinking and doing.

The Polish psychologist and psychiatrist Dr. Kazimierz Dabrowski calls it a process of “Positive Disintegration.” His theory is extremely complex, but in essence he says that when we face a situation that causes us to come undone in some way (to dis-integrate our understanding of ourselves and of how things are supposed to work), we have the opportunity to put ourselves back together in a way that is more mature or advanced or at a higher level of being. To grow. And Dabrowski believed that gifted people are more likely to experience this process to greater degrees because they often experience over-intensities or over-excitabilities that make them more tuned in to potential conflicts and challenges. Our job as parents and educators is not to prevent this process, but to support our children as they walk through these challenges – to allow them these opportunities for growth.

It is a delicate dance, as a parent, to know when to step in and protect the safety of our child and when to let go and let him work his way through the challenges he faces. Certainly there are times to step in and say, “This is too much for you right now, and for your safety, I am going to take you out of this situation.” But most times, we need to find the courage to come alongside and say, “Yes, I know it is hard. And it will get better. I have confidence in you and know that you will figure it out.” Different situations and different stages of development call for different levels of intervention and interaction with our children and, as a mom, I often feel like just when I get things figured out a little, my son changes again and I am back to the drawing board.

At Seabury, we can support each other as parents. We are all raising children who think and learn differently than typical children their age. Children who often have a disparity between their intellectual maturity and their social/emotional maturity. Being at Seabury gives us the opportunity to support each other on this journey. Share your stories – your successes and your mistakes. Get to know each other and lean on each other when it is hard. Laugh and cry together (I often find myself doing both at the same time!). Educate yourselves about the unique challenges and opportunities that come with raising gifted children. Take advantage of PBC events and Seabury learning opportunities to come together as we support and nurture our children (there are several opportunities coming up next week!).

Growing sometimes hurts. For our kids. And for us as parents. But avoiding the hard times is not the answer. Walking through it is the key to learning and growing and evolving. Let’s support each other through this adventure of learning and growing!

Read more about Dabrowski’s Theory and its implications for gifted children on Hoagies Gifted Website.